"I feel unusual..."

Well, I do. :/ (The quote's from Withnail & I).

I'm still not doing well at all. I sleep at weird hours and just... exist, really. I'm sort of in limbo right now. I don't have anything I have to do (eg, no school -yet! I start in January-, etc) so my mind is less occupied, which is not a good thing with OCD. However, I don't *want* anything to do, because I like being free. But being miserable isn't good. This just stinks, really.

I'm scared to try to go to sleep at a normal time because I'm afraid I won't be able to fall asleep and I'll just lie there not able to fall asleep, getting all worked up and anxious because of it. Irrationality is a wonderful thing, no? :/ This is why I'm posting at 7:22 AM instead of being asleep. I'll go to sleep soon, probably, because I'll just get so exhausted that I can't stay awake.

Oh well. One good thing about all this is that I'm keeping up with all the election news. Actually, it could be a bad thing, because it just makes me mad that people actually support Bush. I won't get all political on you now, that would just be boring, and there are more interesting politically-minded blogs/bloggers out there that would.....

Lost my train of thought.

....Dang. Well, in any case, visit John Kerry's official website if you haven't already. And make sure you're registered to vote!

Hum hum hum... let's see... I've transfered all of my Sarah Brightman albums and singles (my entire Sarah collection, actually) onto my computer. And every Queen album from Queen to Jazz (I love me some 70s Queen!). And my entire Ofra Haza collection. And almost all of my Freddie Mercury collection (haven't transfered Mr Bad Guy and Barcelona yet). And all 2 (whee!) of my Roger Taylor albums. And Brian May's Another World. And a Hendrix Greatest Hits album. And all of the Kylie remixes and B-sides I have (turns out I have a LOT), same with Dannii Minogue. I have way too much time on my hands, but at least now it's really easy to listen to whatever I want to listen to without rummaging for the CD. Whoop!

It's September 11 - you probably already know that, but anyways... Well, bear with me for a minute while I just blabber on for a bit. I got the inspiration from egretplume, who wrote about her memories from that day. I've always wanted to actually write down my memories of that day, but never have, so now's as good a time as any.

Like everyone else's day, mine started out like any other day. I was in 10th grade, 15 years old. My concern that day was that I would get in trouble because I got the answers to a few questions from the kid sitting next to me in Digital Arts for a worksheet that we had to turn in that day. Nothing came of it, of course, I was just a worrywart. Anyway. After that class (second period), I went to NSL Gov't (National, State, Local Government - basically Social Studies that concentrates on the government) and we started working on a lesson about different types of governments - oligarchies, democracies, monarchies, etc. We were in the middle of the lesson when a student aide came in and told the teacher to turn on the TV, because the World Trade Center had been hit. So we tuned into CNN and watched for a few minutes, then she (the teacher) turned it off, brushing it off as an accident. We were shocked, but ho hum, school has to go on, if anything really bad happens we'll find out. A few minutes passed and then - and this is one thing that I'll never forget, ever - another teacher poked his head in the door and said, simply, "They've hit the Pentagon". I remember that up until that point, I was just confused, but then I was... well, I was still confused, but everything took on a surreal quality. We turned CNN on again and the reporters were talking about the people jumping from the towers, and showing live footage of the towers. I remember feeling sick. The bell rang, and I went off to my next class, utterly shocked. On the way to class (it had to do with business, I think), I walked with the next class' teacher, who had just copied papers or something. She asked me how I was doing, you know, the typical "So how are you?". I said something like "I'm OK, but I just can't believe what happened." And she didn't know what I was talking about. So I explained about how the World Trade Center had been hit, and so had the Pentagon. I'll never forget how she looked after I told her - like she couldn't believe it, that it was too absurd to be true, and I certainly must be crazy or something. But when we got to the classroom, she turned on CNN, and lo and behold, I'm not crazy. It's weird to know that for the rest of her life, she'll remember me as the one who told her about Sept. 11. It's a horrible honor.

So we didn't have to work (we did our assignments on the computer) if we didn't want to, we could just watch CNN, it didn't matter. I worked, because (and now I realize this, I didn't know then) I needed to keep my mind occupied so that I wouldn't freak out. I would look around to the TV every so often and saw the second tower collapse. That was an awful thing to see. It's odd how I didn't think about how the rest of the school day would go - it didn't occur to me that my parents would want to pick me and my brother up from school. So when my name was called over the PA system to get my things and go to the main office to go home, my first thought was that something had happened to my uncle, who had recently had an aneurysm. Then my second thought was about my other uncle, who's in the Army reserves and I think was stationed overseas at that time for some reason or other. I got my stuff and went and saw my dad standing at the main office doors, looking doofy (as is his nature ;) ), a comfortingly familiar sight. We hugged and I asked why he had come to pick me up, and - duh - it was because of what had just happened. (My uncles were OK, thank goodness.) On the way home I found out that my mom had gone up to my brother's school to pick him up, that after they heard the Pentagon had been hit they decided to pick us up (they're like a well-oiled machine, my parents ;) ). When reports came in about a plane heading toward Pennsylvania, we started trying to get in touch with our relatives in Pittsburgh, and weren't able to until quite a while after the plane had crashed. They were OK (that was so scary, we were so worried). The rest of the day is a blur, really. I was happy to hear that school had been cancelled the next day. I was young and stupid (I'm still young and stupid, but I was much more young and stupid then) and so was glad that I would be able to sleep in. I also remember wondering if they would still release the next Harry Potter movie, considering what had just happened, and if it would be safe to do so. I was *so young* at that time. I know 15 is supposed to be a pretty mature age, but... nah, that's young, and so I wasn't struck by the day as hard as my parents, for example. I was scared and worried, but I was still young enough to worry about movies. It's weird the things you remember about horrible events.

So that was what happened to me on Sept. 11.

Cheery bye, Scarlett




//Listening to:
Red Blooded Woman (Kylie Minogue)
//Currently amused by this quote:
nothin' at the moment