What a way, what a way to make it through...

From Wild Child by Enya. :)

Argh, another bad night. I'm feeling a tiny bit better, though. My depression has lifted a bit, so I'm not as down as I'd been feeling, which is a good sign that the med I'm on at the moment will eventually help with the OCD side of things. I haven't been doing much, cos I don't see any reason to change a lifetime habit. ;) I sent my deferrment letter off to UMD and am hoping that they get back to me soon.

I just got an invitation to some "alumni lunch" thing at my old high school. My class hasn't even been out for a year yet, but then the school is only about five years old, so I guess they take whoever they can get. Anyway, at the bottom of the postcard you're supposed to fill out and return, it says "School Attending:___". It hit me weird, for some reason. What am I supposed to say? "Nowhere at the moment"? I suppose it rubbed me the wrong way because all throughout my senior year, it was just about beaten into our heads that we *had* to get into college and begin *right away* or else the rest of our lives would be crap. This is not so, of course. And anyway, I was accepted for the spring semester, so I couldn't quite get started straight away. And it's not as though I'm not in college at the moment because I choose not to be - I can't even go out of the house.

I guess I feel like there's no allowance for human fallibility when it comes to school. Everyone tells me that college is not like high school, and seeing how we didn't have to go any insanity to start the deferrment process (insane rigmarole is standard for getting anything done in high/grade school), I'm beginning to believe it. But I still have that feeling that the school (UMD, my old high school, whatever) will look down on me, not believe that I'm actually miserable, will think that I should be trying harder to "get better", that I'm not good enough... Probably the same insecurities a lot of people have. Sorry for being so self-indulgent here, that was a pretty vain ramble!

OK, on to more amusing things. My current quandry (aside from... well, everything else) is that I can't find my The Best of What's Left Of Not Only... But Also tape, which makes me increasingly more sad each day. What's more, my main bra is missing as well. My mom was wondering where my bra was, and I mentioned how I also hadn't been able to find my NOBA tape, and we came up with a theory: Not Only... But Also is somewhere in my room, cavorting with my brassiere. It's a funny thought. We're also worried that my Bedazzled (1967) tape will steal away with a pair of my undies, so we're keeping it - and the undies - under close surveillance. OK, it's silly, but even the stupidest things can make one laugh when one is feeling yucky, y'know?

While I'm on the subject of NOBA etc., I found a lovely photo of Peter Cook while I was doing "research" for my Blackadder page (more on that later) at The Establishment, where you can find a whole wealth of stuff about Cook's career (and even download NOBA sketches, yay!). I've only downloaded one sketch, and must get round to downloading the other ones available. Why the BBC hasn't come out with a spanglified DVD with all the surviving sketches from NOBA is beyond me. They're a very silly bunch, that BBC. Anyways, the sketch I downloaded is The Cobblin' Goblin. *tee hee hee* I was muchly amused, so do yourself a favor and download some quality comedy today. I also downloaded an audio file of One Leg Too Few recently (I did this because my mom actually remembers seeing the skit at some point in the 70s). I didn't think it'd be funny without actually seeing what's going on, but it was hilarious! I wish someone would release the old audio sketches on CD... ah well...

I'm currently in the process of mega-updating my Blackadder site. For about two years now, I've been saying I was going to do a Guest Actor page, similar to the detailed page I did about the regular cast. At the moment I'm knee-deep in guest actors and information and it's really, really turning into a bigger thing than I thought it would be. WHY did Blackadder have to have so many famous people on the show? Why? The weird thing is how every guest actor is connected in some way - most through Doctor Who, which is cool. But putting all that information together on one page (it'll probably spill over to two pages or more) is, to say the least, a bit annoying. The main problem is sorting out who should be on the page. There are some obvious guest stars that will be on the page - Peter Cook, Tom Baker, Simon Jones, Chris Barrie, etc. - but the lesser-known actors are bugging me. Because it seems that Blackadder employed a lot of actors who were famous before they were on the show, or found fame much later, or aren't really that famous at all but had a good role on Blackadder. Wish me luck while I sort all this out. At least I'm doing something mildly productive! :)

Cheery bye, Scarlett


//Listening to: Pax Deorum (Enya)