Bloody hell!

Please forgive me, this is going to be a boring, self-indulgent post.

Too Far, Kylie Minogue (yes, Kylie)

Caught up in this house
Trapped my very own self in the snare of my mind
No more space than a slither
What I'd give for deep breath inside
Where the chaos has me captive
Where there's no exit sign
Where I fuel the stupid fire with these feelings of mine

Ah, ah, ah ah ah

Lured into this den
It's bitter and I want the sweetness again
A taste that I agree with
Get me past these perils and to my Eden
Where the silence is a comfort
Where there is no one else
Where I'll be up from under and can uncurl myself

Ah, ah, ah ha ha
Ah, ah, ah ha ha...

Too many, too much, too hard
Help me, this time I went too far
Too many, too much, too hard
Help me, this time I went too far -

Too far, too far, too far,
Too far, too far, too far, too far...

Can I smash all of this open?
Can I pass the hurt with a little pain?
I wanna see all of it crumble
And start afresh and over again
My eyes are wide open
But I can hardly see
Will laughter find a way around these silent tears?

... etc.

I prayed that I'd never feel those lyrics again. Once was enough. Damn OCD.

My old obsession resurfaced about three days ago. I have an appointment with one of the top psychs/medication experts in the field on Wednesday, and I hope he can help. I just want to be better again.

Have you ever felt like you want to take your brain out of your head and scream "STOP!" at it? "START WORKING AGAIN!", and then punch it? I do. "Get better, brain!" - from a Monty Python sketch.

It's as though my mind saw that I was happy about Christmas coming and decorating and all that and thought "Well, we can't have that, can we? BAM! Mega-OCD!".

And, the Daily Show isn't on this week (no new episodes). That's sad too.

(Feck it, I'm having trouble typing now. I never thought that one would come back. I have to have a "neutral" thought when I hit a key, or else I have to go back and erase or whatever. Damn it, damn it, damn it.)

I don't know if I'll post before Christmas or New Year's, so Happy Chrismahanukwanza and Happy New Year. :D Have a great holiday!

Cheery bye, Scarlet


Listening to: Mish Fadilak (Natacha Atlas)