o/' I run to the future and jump... o/'

From Jump, by Kylie :)

I've updated and spanglified my fanlistings collective (Dynamite With A Laserbeam), cos it needed to be spanglified. :) I now use Flinx Collective from the infinitely helpful codegrrl.com, which is nice, because it makes keeping a list of my fanlistings a lot easier. I was kind of surprised when I realized that I now have 12 fanlistings. :O Kinda sad, kinda cool, kinda wasteless.

Speaking of wasteless ;) -

WHOOP! I've been approved (APPROVED!) for the Withnail and I fanlisting! *happy dance*

*one more happy dance to illustrate the extreme happiness*

You see, I love W&I. A lot. And now to have a site about it... *wipes away tear* It's a wonderful thing, it really is. I applied to join the original fanlisting sometime last year, when I started in on this fanlisting thing. The fanlisting owner never updated or added me to the list, and eventually the site became a dead link. When W&I was listed as "Removed, open for application" on the troubles list on TFL, I just about hopped up and down. But I'm a lazy sort of person, so I just twirled my fingers in the air a bit and applied. And then, I was approved! Whoop! I don't even care if anyone joins it, I just wanted an excuse to make a W&I site. *loves site*

On the OCD/depression front - Working on it. Still not doing peachy. Using computer/websites as a crutch to get me through this, hence the above insane ramblings.

I did pass the 200 mark on my icons site, which is neat. I'll be adding more icons as I make them. :) It's terribly therapeutic to make icons, actually.

Cheery bye, Scarlett




//Listening to:
Jump (Kylie)
//Currently amused by this quote:
nothin' right now

o/' Thinkin' it right, doin' it wrong... o/'

From Drowse. :)

Icon hoarders, take note - I've started an icons site! I stole the "pile o' icons" bit from a comment made by egretplume, and added the "Scarlett's" bit myself. ;) At the moment there are 197 icons; I keep making and adding more though, so I'll probably pass the 200 mark soon. :)

In other news... eh, no new news. I've been to the psychiatrist and we're getting a handle on everything, upping my meds, and talking and stuff. Then I'll probably go through CBT again - maybe - it depends, I guess, on whether the meds work enough so that I can work through the OCD bit of all this. The depression bit is the one we need to nip in the bud. So, to clarify - I now know that it's not just *me* (I'd been thinking that all my issues are flaring up just because... well, just because, and not because there was really anything going on), it's a combination of depression and OCD and mental, emotional, and somatic symptoms (oh lovely!), due mainly to this weird transitional phase I'm in (from high school to college). So, my family and I are just riding this out and taking things as they come. It's just magic being me, it really is...

I'm not wallowing in my misery though, I'm stronger than that. I'm sort of dozing in it. ;)

And it's a weird sort of misery. I don't have anything tangible to be miserable about, and I know that, but that (of course) doesn't help anything. It's just my mind and my funky mental/emotional state. All I can, and should, do is take it easy and try to relax. Whoop.

Let's see, not much to ramble about aside from all that (see above :) ). My Bedazzled/The Best Of What's Left Of Not Only... But Also... vids came and I'm quite pleased! I'm now in the habit of quoting stuff from the NOBA sketches because I'm a big doofus who quotes stuff. :) And I've been quoting Bedazzled ever since I saw it, cos it's so quotable. Just about the most quotable thing you ever did see. (Erm, it's a play on a quote from it. Told you I'm a big doofus! :D )

*twiddles thumbs*

Oh, you wanna know something really sad? I had this one line from a song stuck in my head, but not the whole line, and even though I was listening to music (Rolling Stones), that line kept going around in my head, and I got so fed up I actually Googled the bit of the line I had stuck in my head. It was really frustrating! Turned out it was Changes, by David Bowie. It was the "And these children that you spit on..." line, but only the "And these children that you spit on" bit stuck in my head, and couldn't place who sang it or what it was from.

I once had a line from Lily of the Valley (Queen) stuck in my head for a few days, I think, but couldn't figure out which song it was from. I knew it was Queen, but just could not, for the life of me, figure out which song it came from. Then out of nowhere a line after it came to me and I actually said, out loud, "Lily of the Valley!". The line was "I lie in wait with open eyes..." - just "I lie in wait with open eyes". That really bugged me too, but at least I didn't Google it. That's really, really sad of me. ;)

Cheery bye, Scarlett




//Listening to:
Leaving Home Ain't Easy
//Currently amused by this quote:
"And I thought, 'Funny...'" - Dud (of Pete n' Dud)

"I feel unusual..."

Well, I do. :/ (The quote's from Withnail & I).

I'm still not doing well at all. I sleep at weird hours and just... exist, really. I'm sort of in limbo right now. I don't have anything I have to do (eg, no school -yet! I start in January-, etc) so my mind is less occupied, which is not a good thing with OCD. However, I don't *want* anything to do, because I like being free. But being miserable isn't good. This just stinks, really.

I'm scared to try to go to sleep at a normal time because I'm afraid I won't be able to fall asleep and I'll just lie there not able to fall asleep, getting all worked up and anxious because of it. Irrationality is a wonderful thing, no? :/ This is why I'm posting at 7:22 AM instead of being asleep. I'll go to sleep soon, probably, because I'll just get so exhausted that I can't stay awake.

Oh well. One good thing about all this is that I'm keeping up with all the election news. Actually, it could be a bad thing, because it just makes me mad that people actually support Bush. I won't get all political on you now, that would just be boring, and there are more interesting politically-minded blogs/bloggers out there that would.....

Lost my train of thought.

....Dang. Well, in any case, visit John Kerry's official website if you haven't already. And make sure you're registered to vote!

Hum hum hum... let's see... I've transfered all of my Sarah Brightman albums and singles (my entire Sarah collection, actually) onto my computer. And every Queen album from Queen to Jazz (I love me some 70s Queen!). And my entire Ofra Haza collection. And almost all of my Freddie Mercury collection (haven't transfered Mr Bad Guy and Barcelona yet). And all 2 (whee!) of my Roger Taylor albums. And Brian May's Another World. And a Hendrix Greatest Hits album. And all of the Kylie remixes and B-sides I have (turns out I have a LOT), same with Dannii Minogue. I have way too much time on my hands, but at least now it's really easy to listen to whatever I want to listen to without rummaging for the CD. Whoop!

It's September 11 - you probably already know that, but anyways... Well, bear with me for a minute while I just blabber on for a bit. I got the inspiration from egretplume, who wrote about her memories from that day. I've always wanted to actually write down my memories of that day, but never have, so now's as good a time as any.

Like everyone else's day, mine started out like any other day. I was in 10th grade, 15 years old. My concern that day was that I would get in trouble because I got the answers to a few questions from the kid sitting next to me in Digital Arts for a worksheet that we had to turn in that day. Nothing came of it, of course, I was just a worrywart. Anyway. After that class (second period), I went to NSL Gov't (National, State, Local Government - basically Social Studies that concentrates on the government) and we started working on a lesson about different types of governments - oligarchies, democracies, monarchies, etc. We were in the middle of the lesson when a student aide came in and told the teacher to turn on the TV, because the World Trade Center had been hit. So we tuned into CNN and watched for a few minutes, then she (the teacher) turned it off, brushing it off as an accident. We were shocked, but ho hum, school has to go on, if anything really bad happens we'll find out. A few minutes passed and then - and this is one thing that I'll never forget, ever - another teacher poked his head in the door and said, simply, "They've hit the Pentagon". I remember that up until that point, I was just confused, but then I was... well, I was still confused, but everything took on a surreal quality. We turned CNN on again and the reporters were talking about the people jumping from the towers, and showing live footage of the towers. I remember feeling sick. The bell rang, and I went off to my next class, utterly shocked. On the way to class (it had to do with business, I think), I walked with the next class' teacher, who had just copied papers or something. She asked me how I was doing, you know, the typical "So how are you?". I said something like "I'm OK, but I just can't believe what happened." And she didn't know what I was talking about. So I explained about how the World Trade Center had been hit, and so had the Pentagon. I'll never forget how she looked after I told her - like she couldn't believe it, that it was too absurd to be true, and I certainly must be crazy or something. But when we got to the classroom, she turned on CNN, and lo and behold, I'm not crazy. It's weird to know that for the rest of her life, she'll remember me as the one who told her about Sept. 11. It's a horrible honor.

So we didn't have to work (we did our assignments on the computer) if we didn't want to, we could just watch CNN, it didn't matter. I worked, because (and now I realize this, I didn't know then) I needed to keep my mind occupied so that I wouldn't freak out. I would look around to the TV every so often and saw the second tower collapse. That was an awful thing to see. It's odd how I didn't think about how the rest of the school day would go - it didn't occur to me that my parents would want to pick me and my brother up from school. So when my name was called over the PA system to get my things and go to the main office to go home, my first thought was that something had happened to my uncle, who had recently had an aneurysm. Then my second thought was about my other uncle, who's in the Army reserves and I think was stationed overseas at that time for some reason or other. I got my stuff and went and saw my dad standing at the main office doors, looking doofy (as is his nature ;) ), a comfortingly familiar sight. We hugged and I asked why he had come to pick me up, and - duh - it was because of what had just happened. (My uncles were OK, thank goodness.) On the way home I found out that my mom had gone up to my brother's school to pick him up, that after they heard the Pentagon had been hit they decided to pick us up (they're like a well-oiled machine, my parents ;) ). When reports came in about a plane heading toward Pennsylvania, we started trying to get in touch with our relatives in Pittsburgh, and weren't able to until quite a while after the plane had crashed. They were OK (that was so scary, we were so worried). The rest of the day is a blur, really. I was happy to hear that school had been cancelled the next day. I was young and stupid (I'm still young and stupid, but I was much more young and stupid then) and so was glad that I would be able to sleep in. I also remember wondering if they would still release the next Harry Potter movie, considering what had just happened, and if it would be safe to do so. I was *so young* at that time. I know 15 is supposed to be a pretty mature age, but... nah, that's young, and so I wasn't struck by the day as hard as my parents, for example. I was scared and worried, but I was still young enough to worry about movies. It's weird the things you remember about horrible events.

So that was what happened to me on Sept. 11.

Cheery bye, Scarlett




//Listening to:
Red Blooded Woman (Kylie Minogue)
//Currently amused by this quote:
nothin' at the moment

Jolly good, wot! Anyone for tennis? That'll be ten ponies, guv. You're the epitome of everything that is english. Yey :) Hoist that Union Jack!

How British are you?

this quiz was made by alanna

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Well duh! ;) I knew it! I'm as English as an American can get.

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You're Captain Jack Sparrow: smart, savvy, a demon with the eyeliner and the best damn pirate we've ever seen. And only a litte crazy. Savvy?

Which POTC character are you?

this quiz was made by alanna

:D

Cheery bye, Scarlett
(OCD issues still not sorted, but I'm hanging in there)






//Listening to:
Funny How Love Is (Queen)
//Currently amused by this quote:
"My thumbs have gone weird!" Marwood (Withnail & I)

I see a little silhouetto of Scarlett actually posting something!

Happy B'day, Freddie! :D

And now a note from our sponsor - I'm having a very difficult time at the moment with my OCD and meds and haven't been doing very much at all... including posting and replying to other people's posts. It's hard enough dealing with real life right now, and it takes a surprising amount of effort to keep up with online stuff. At this point in time, I'm pretty much just trying not to put myself under any pressure (it just makes things worse if you throw stress into the mix!), and for some reason I get stressed over keeping up appearances online. Which is why I haven't posted anything for ages - I get irrationally anxious about it (dang OCD). We're working on sorting everything out - gonna call my psych on Tuesday (it's Labor Day weekend, she's not in the office... dang) and just keep riding this out. You hit snags with OCD, and eventually everything turns out all right, but in the moment, you just feel like... well... sh*t.

I just wanted to let anyone who was wondering (cos I know SO many of you were ;) ) that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, that I'm dealing with issues, but I'll be better soon (I hope!).

Cheery bye, Scarlett
(My comment thing is weird, so if you want me to see your comment immediately, it's better to just email it to me. I have to republish my blog for new comments to show up. Spoot.)




//Listening to:
It's Late(Queen)
//Currently amused by this quote:
nothin' at the moment